Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bring money and cleavage
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
