I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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