Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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