Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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