and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
