It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
