Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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