he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
