Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
