So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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