Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
