I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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