I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
