His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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