dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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