someone threw a dead crab at me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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