I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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