I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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