We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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