and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
