i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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