Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
