He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
