i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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