I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
