so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
