Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
