How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
