I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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