Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
