It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
