It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
