and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
