I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
