I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
