What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
