sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
