shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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