party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
