I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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