We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
