Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
