I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My feet surprised me
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