just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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