Your face is a jimmy john
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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