you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
