just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
