I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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