I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
