i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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