I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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